What is love

Is it love when I can't describe the feeling, yet it is clearly there and I have no way to describe that feeling that makes my heart beat. The feeling that a lifelong search for a reason has found a person. The feeling that inspires you to write a lovesong every day. That feeling that makes you not feel like yourself when you're without that person. I sit in my room every god damn day and think about her, every night I fall asleep thinking about her and I wake up thinking about her. I can go to work no problem, it distracts me. Every night she tells me about the great day she had, I feel horrible because it feels like she's so much happier without me but I can't- no, I don't want to live without her. Today I wrote a loveletter to my girlfriend, just because the only way I can convey what I feel is the written word, she makes me feel so great when I'm with her but I feel so empty and horrible without her, I don't feel like I have anybody that comes close to her, not even remotely, not in a thousand years. I don't care about sex or anything like that, at least not when she's gone, when she's there I don't mind it because why not, it's just another thing to do. There's no way in which I can express the immense love I feel for her, which silences me completely most of the time, I can't talk, even if I wanted to, I just want her to hold me in her arms and know that everything is going to be alright. I can't even explain why I love her, I used to be able to explain it, name a few reasons, but I can't do that anymore. Yet my love for her is more intense than ever before. I can't even explain why I'm crying anymore. It's just.. I don't think anybody could ever feel the way about me that I feel about her. Maybe it's just that I'm lonely without her. That might be it, I hope that's it. This can't be normal.. can it? I can't tell her much about it because I don't know how to put it in words and I don't want to scare her. But I constantly have to think about how this is going to be healthy in the long run, maybe it will go away? Maybe I will learn how to handle it, this is all incredibly new, but I don't know. It's like.. when I'm with her, I can be myself, like, a weird example would be, only when I'm with her, I can wish that I'd be without her.

I know this is all very confusing and actually just a way for me to put my feelings into words. Have a nice day.


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