This post is going to be just me dumping my feelings into a textfile. Every night I lay in my bed, and I wonder how I am ever going to find somebody likeminded. Somebody I can harmonize with. Somebody I can live a long life with. I can find plenty people to sympathize with online, but sympathizing ain't love. What is love anyway? Will I ever get to know? I am worried. Worried that I'll never find a boy/girlfriend. Worried that I'll never find love. Worried that I'll always be alone in my beliefs. Worried that I'll always have to explain my feelings to others and never be understood. Worried that I'll die lonely. I feel jealous whenever I see somebody in love. I had two days of peace until these feelings kicked back in, during these two days I was very focussed on learning russian, but now that this has become less of a priority I feel lonely again. Because there is nobody I can really feel comfy with. Every goddamn day I sit alone in my room, I want to socialize but I don't know how to and I'm scared to talk to random people on the street. I don't just want to socialize with *any* people, I don't just want to have conversations, I want to have fun, I want to be understood, I want to be desired, I want somebody to sing with. I want to cuddle with somebody, I want to dance with somebody. I want to feel familiarity.